Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
