I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
