I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
