I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
