dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
