My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
