Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
