For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
