i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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