I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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