Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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