I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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