I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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