I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
