dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
