woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
