It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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