your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This is my gift to your gina
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
