What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
