I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
