only you would photoshop your dick
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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