How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
jump out the window naked night went bad
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
