it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
