google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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