Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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