I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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