I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
