I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
