sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
