I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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