I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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