Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
