O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
