Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
