she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
