Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
