is your mom at the bar?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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