It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
