So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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