He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
