i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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