I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
