Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
