Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
