Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
