I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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