this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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