Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
