So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
