Porn is love you can see.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
