If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
