Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
